What Not To Say To A Cop
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I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
*I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.*
*I was going to be a trooper, but I decided to finish high school instead.*
Bad cop! No donut!
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
*Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.*
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
Is it true that people become troopers because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take, or what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.
*What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.*
*Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.*
Hey, is that a 9 mm? How's that compare to this one here?
Officer: Your eyes are red, have you been drinking?
Driver: Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?
*Your so-called "speed limits" mean nothing to me flatfoot. I live my life one quarter-mile at a time.*
You again? I thought I lost you at that last red light.
Aren't you going to strip search me, big boy?
You better hurry up with that ticket. Dunkin' Donuts closes in 15 minutes.
*How about you watch my friend Ben Franklin while I get my registration?*
*Sorry I was speeding officer, but your daughter said she had to be home by eleven.*
Hey Barney! How are things in Mayberry?
*Say Hi to your wife and my kids!*
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Page 2= Things not to say to a cop
Page 3= The Rules of Men
Page 4= Rice-Import-Domestic Disclaimer
