A few words about rice...
Don't even try to tell me that's a good idea.
The main reason the guestbook is closed is that I can't stand morons. I hate them. I hate stupid people with the very fiber of my being. Somehow, a pair of ricer dweebs got the mistaken impression that I was interested in their opinion, and began spamming me with pro-rice propaganda. One went so far as to tell me, and this is a direct quote, "i may not b well educatted, but i guaranty i be bankin more then you." Astonishing. People like that should be executed.
There are two main types of ricers. First, there is the group that thinks stickers give them extra power, and that spoilers make your car faster, etc. Most of my hatred is reserved for these posers. However, I have plenty of hatred to go around, and I also have a special vendetta against people who actually believe that ricing a car (adding performance) is superior to buying a performance car. Both of these groups of people are idiots, for reasons which will be detailed in plain language herein.
Here are a few common things said by ricers, and my refutations.
Q: How can you bag on my hobby man?
A: Because it makes no sense, and has no logical point. It is a waste of money. If you buy a compact car, which is known for being fuel-efficient and reliable, and then rice it, you're eliminating both the fuel-efficiency and reliability. Might as well buy a performance car, which will last longer and probably be faster anyway. The rest of the questions will elaborate on this point; you may enjoy doing it, but that does not offset the fact that there is not a single good, logical reason for it, thus making it a stupid behavior.
Q: Man, I just be tryin' to make my car UNIQUE, yo!
A: Were you the first person who had the idea to add a body kit to your car? Were you the first to add a spoiler taller than you are? Were you the first to paint silver flames on the sides? Well, then how are you making your car unique? You're just following the rest of the sheep, because you think it looks cool. Wrong.
Q: Don't be hatin, man! We just be havin' fun!
A: This page was started because ricers came to me complaining about my views on rice. I posted a comment in an anti-rice forum, which earned me mouth-frothing criticism from a pair of ricers who will remain nameless mainly because I really don't care who they are. These ricers posted obscene and unintelligent comments in my guestbook, which is intended for discussion about my car, but they turned it into a forum for hate. In short, my opinion was "hated on," which prompted this response. It is the ricers' own inability to live in peace, simply accepting that some people just don't like their "hobby," that causes many people to dislike them.:
Q: Why you be baggin on my spoiler, yo?
A: A rear spoiler on a front wheel drive car? Way to take downforce off the drive wheels, moron. You just made your car slower and worse-handling.
Q: What's wrong with dual exhaust?
A: Nothing, unless it's on a four-banger. Exhaust pressure is part of how the engine generates torque, and torque is what determines force of acceleration. Dual exhaust reduces engine back pressure, thus reducing torque, and making a 4-banger SLOWER. This is why I have a hard time respecting ricers; they're all about image and show, and they don't care if it's actually worse for their car.
Q: Dood, my Eclipse has 380 horsepower, it's never been dynoed but I know it has that much, and it could tank anything you ever made!
A: Probably not. Give me the same amount of money you spent modifying your Eclipse, and I could buy something faster and still have enough money to buy your mom a Civic. And go get your Eclipse dynoed. If it does make that much power (doubtful), then congratulations, you spent $30,000 tripling the horsepower on an already mediocre car. If it doesn't, then you're a typical poser ricer who cares more about a horsepower figure than about actual handling.
Q: But I beat anything on the street!
A: Well, wait, I thought you said it was a hobby. If you do it competitively, then it's no longer a hobby, by the very definition of the word. Either you do it because you enjoy doing it, or you do it with the intention of beating people. Either way it's a waste of money.
Q: And this one time, at ricer camp, I smoked a viper!!
A: Who cares?
Q: My Eclipse runs an 11.8 quarter mile, what do you have to say to that?
A: Quarter miles are for cretins. Run a lap at a nationally recognized road course (Laguna, Mid-America, Mid-Ohio, Road Atlanta) and I might be impressed. The problem with that much horsepower in a front wheel drive car is that it torque-steers like a mother coming out of a corner at speed. This is why no seriously competitive race car in the world is front wheel drive. Even actual racing series specifically designed for front-wheel-drive cars (SCCA Touring Car, for example) rarely feature a car with more than 250 horsepower. After that, you sacrifice handling, and no true performance aficionado wants to do that. Therefore, any riced FWD car with more than 300 hp is either ignorant or a poser. Or both.
Q: You're just jealous cause your car can't beat mine!
A: If you offered me your car for free, I doubt I'd take it. If I did, I'd sell it, and put the money toward something that won't break down in five years or less anyway. That is, if I could find any ignorant sheep dumb enough to buy it.
Oh yeah, also:
If you disagree with me for one second, ponder this car, and try and tell me honestly that it's a good idea for him to do that to his Probe. Especially when you have no idea whether he's done anything to the engine.
A little parting wisdom for ricers:
Ricing your car is like a girl shaving her head. There might be a few idiots who think it's a good idea, but really, it's not, and every person with a brain agrees.
You rice your car? Well, I just have one thing to say to you: Yes, I would like fries with that. Get used to hearing this, because if you're so dumb that you think modifying your car is a good idea, you are destined for (and perhaps already immersed in) a life of failure. Good luck refuting my logic; here's a hint: it can't be done.
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