So, you've decided to learn more. Good. You will soon discover how mistaken you were to feed those primal lusts, to give in to the feral urgings that beckon you to my Pit.

Updated as of March 14, 2004.

Somehow or another I managed to lose a wheel cover. Either someone stole it or it fell off, neither of which would bother me. The other pictures demonstrate that they're not worth getting upset about. Except, apparently, to my stepdad, who said it bothers him when people drive around missing a wheel cover. To that end, he went out and got me a new set, which are extremely chrome. At first I was afraid they'd look gaudy (nothing says "ricer" like chrome rims and bone-stock everything else) but they're actually pretty tasteful. Added to which, they look a lot like the five-spoke wheel covers that originally came with the LE and VE Corollas, so I don't look out of place. That's the only picture I have on hand, but it's decent enough.

This is Bob. (Actually, the Corolla doesn't have a nickname yet. Bob is a very bland name, though, so it will do for now.) I bought Bob in July of 2003, after scoping out the car atmosphere for about a year and a half. My previous car was an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, and I spent more on repairs to it than I did on the actual car. Additionally, I'm in college, and therefore poor. For those two reasons, I was looking for something that would be fuel-efficient and extremely reliable, and after a rather vicious head-to-head showdown, I decided on the Corolla.

When I went to the lot with the money to buy a new car, I didn't actually plan on buying one right away. I only wanted to look. However, as I inspected the cars on the lot, I came across Bob. His sticker showed $7,995, a $2000 markdown from his normal price. He was a 1999 Corolla CE, with power locks, power doors, cruise control (a MUST, you'll know why if you see my "Road Trip" page), a good stereo, and an automatic transmission. In short, he had almost every single feature I was looking for, plus he was within my price range. A salesman came over and we chatted.

The salesman talked me into taking Bob for a test drive, which I did, and I was impressed. At the time I arrived on the lot, I didn't think I would leave with a new car, but I knew that a car like Bob wouldn't stay on the lot for long, so I had to act fast. Before I left, I signed a contract to buy Bob, and took possession two days later. Bob has served me faithfully ever since. He has 66,000 miles under his tires, and I hope he will be good for at least a hundred thousand more.

PLUSES: Bob is very fuel-efficient, and very reliable. He is also very quiet, even at high speeds. He has a console-mounted emergency brake, for sliding around in the snow. His gas and brake pedals have a good feel; his heat is hot, and his A/C is cold. He rides very smoothly due to his soft suspension. His seats are comfortable for any length of time, including on lengthy road trips. The gauges are big and easy to read. The trunk is quite large, and we think he has a fold-down rear seat, but we're too lazy to go find out.

MINUSES: Bob is not a race car. While he has ample power for everyday driving and for brisk acceleration when needed, he could use more than 120 horsepower. (In fact, the new Corollas do have more.) He has typical four-banger torque, which means "not much," especially at low RPM. Speaking of RPM, he has no tachometer, since he has an automatic transmission. I thought this would really annoy me, but I didn't notice it until I had owned him almost a week. Bob is a compact car, which means there is not a lot of legroom in the back seat.

THE VERDICT: After having this car for almost a year, I can say honestly that it has been a pleasant replacement for the Cutlass. It's done everything I hoped it would (namely, not break) and I'm tremendously satisfied with it. The Camry might be a better buy for those with space in mind, but as far as compacts go, the Corolla is definitely the best one out there.

My opinions of other cars, in haiku.

AUDI TT
All wheel drive is nice;
If only it did not look
Like a huge bubble.

BUICK RENDEZVOUS
Just what I wanted:
A large, all wheel drive Buick.
Old folks can keep it.

CADILLAC CTS
Is it just me, or
Do Cadillacs really get
Uglier each time?

CHEVROLET MALIBU
Dear Chevrolet, please
Get rid of that huge, ugly
Chrome grille strip. Thank you.

DODGE (every car)
Dodge needs to learn that
Bigger is not better when
It comes to car grilles.

HONDA ACCORD
Reliable and
Practical, good car, but too
Many folks rice it.

HONDA CIVIC
Not bad outside, but
Unimpressive inside. Plus
It costs way too much.

HONDA ELEMENT
What on earth is it?
The rolling cube, hideous
But still a Honda.

HUMMER H2
Oh, how I wish I
Could see around this titan
H2 can suck me.

MITSUBISHI LANCER
Poor build quality,
Hideous looks, not enough
Power. Huge thumbs down.

PORSCHE 911
Testosterone thee,
Incarnate and palpable.
All men lust for one.

SATURN (all)
Oh no! I'm sorry
I'm leaking oil again
Bye bye dear engine.

SCION X-A and X-B
Hooray for new cars!
Nice concept, with Toyota
Build and quality.

SUBARU IMPREZA
Sporty, quick, and it
Lasts forever. Subaru
Is my favorite marque.

SUZUKI
People's failure to
Purchase new models will show
You should not make cars.

YUGO
Why do they mock me?
I'm not bad, not that ugly
Just misunderstood!

Page 1: You are here
Page 2: Road Trips
Page 3: The Cutlass (eventually)
Page 4: My thoughts on rice
Page 5: I hate stupid people.