This is a diary of race stories. All are "works of fiction", and I must remind everyone that racing on public roads is dangerous and illegal. Keep it on the track!

August 20, 2007 : Totally obliterated a current generation Mustang GT and an STi on the highway today. Nothing really to type other than, they asked for some... and got more than they could handle. Long live the LS2!

They may be good at the quarter mile due to their stupidly good launching ability, but I guess STi's just fall flat on their face once up to over 100? C&D got a 24.5 second 0-130 with the STi, and the GTO gets there in 19.6! BWAH HA HA HA! Yeah... I laugh, until it's time to take a turn... then I get raped.

Anyway, this is the first time I got to actually floor the GTO for more than a couple seconds. GOD DAMN! The sound is so hot! I can't wait until I get exhaust cut-outs.

September 15, 2007 : Jenny killed a supercharged tC. I was hanging out at the In and Out in Fairfield and a guy passing by with his girl in the parking lot while the princess and I were eating at one of the outside tables and revved his engine. I gave an upwards nod and a "yeah boy" wave (it's where you raise your hand into the air a bit with the back of your hand tilted upward and out, and you kinda motion up and down like your hand is on a girl's head while giving you a blowjob). After he pulled into a parking spot, and as he passed by, I told him he had a nice ride. He told me it was supercharged and had all the TRD goodies on it.

He then looked around the parking lot a quick moment, and asked me which ride was mine, and I pointed to Jenny. After that, he thought for a moment and asked me if I wanted to race after we ate. I'm like, "Uh... okay, sure?" I really didn't expect anything like that, so it caught me by surprise, and I lost my "cool game face". So after both parties finished eating, I asked the princess if she wanted to stay and wait, or come along. She replied that she was game for riding shotgun since the other guy's girl was riding with him, and it would be funner than sitting around at In and Out waiting for me to come back.

So off we went down Travis Blvd, and at the light after the Solano Mall, we were able to line up at the red. I looked over and nodded that we'd go for it here from a dig, and he replied with an affirmative nod as well. When the light turned green I didn't get any wheelspin since I eased into the gas and I keep the TCS on. He got a little bit of a jump on me, but it lasted about half a second as I just pulled on him harder than a stud plowing a pornstar. The best part was when my girlfriend let out a squeel from how fast we accelerated and how much she was pushed back into the seat.

It was total rapage, and at the next light, he rolled down his window and I rolled down the passenger side window to talk. He said he wanted to try it from a roll, and we'd go on Highway 12 if I was up for it. I shrugged, and said "alright". So we went onto the highway and lined up at 55 mph. After I put up three fingers to represent "three honks", I rolled up the window and got everything ready, dropping down into 2nd gear.

Three honks later, I punched it after giving him a moment to react (the honker has an advantage if he's in an automatic), and it was crazy death for the TRD tC. By the time the "overspeed alarm" told me I was going 100 mph, I was way way way ahead of him. I took it to about 130 before the princess told me it was enough. By that time, he was a speck in my mirrors. I slowed back down to 65, and the guy didn't make an effort to catch up before I took an exit so I could turn around and head back home.

September 18, 2007 : So after spending the some few hours with the lady at Gibson Ranch, we were on our way back to her apartment and changed lanes to I pass a dark colored last generation (the one with the rounded headlights) Camaro SS and the slow moving truck that was in front of it. After getting by them, I got back to my normal speed and he comes rolling up and passes me, but we end up stopping at the light that turns red. I'm like, I don't really want to race this guy, because He has a much lighter car, and I have an extra 110 lbs in my car since my girlfriend was in it too, while he was alone.

However, the princess goes off and says, "Look, he want show he go fast too. I think we should play with him." (Yes, she talks like that. Her English still isn't perfect, but I'm helping her.) Well... when a girl says something like that, I can't help but get competitive. Plus, if I said "no", she'd think I was a pansy or something. Anyway, so when the light turns green, I ease onto the gas, and totally leave him behind. I figured he didn't want to race, and shrugged it off. But halfway to the next light, he comes rolling up hella fast, and changes over from the lane to my right, passes across from my back, and gets into the lane on my left and passes me half a car before letting off since the light was yellow and about to turn red.

So we're lined up again, and I'm like "Okay, let's do this for real then." I pull up the e-brake, and wait as the cars turning left in front of us finish up (meaning that our light to go straight is going to be green soon). When I figure that the light's going to turn green soon, I start to pre-load the engine with the e-brake up. It was only for a half second or so before the light turned green, and I laid onto the throttle. Got quite a bit of wheelspin this time, about a second or two, even with the Traction Control on! The SS got only a little chirp, and pulled ahead off the line.

The SS got half a car or so ahead, but once the wheels hooked up, I just pulled ahead of him and chirped second. When the "overspeed alarm" told me I was at 70 mph (It's my general driving setting, so I don't waste gas on the freeway. Normally, I set it to 100 or 120 when racing, but I forgot to this time.), I was several cars ahead of him, and I pulled in front of him, because I needed to get into the next left turn lane.

When he pulled up next to me in the lane going straight, I glanced over for a bit, but he didn't look back. My girlfriend said that "he was shy because his face red". I agreed, because he tried to show off to her, and ended up looking not so hot. Not that it'd matter, since he was white, and she likes Asians. Anyway, I'm happy with the results, and I'm especially thankful that I didn't get my ass handed to me like I thought I would since Camaro SSs are much lighter, and are only 70 HP short.

I LOVE YOU JENNY (my GTO)... oh, and if you're reading this, you too princess!

September 20, 2007 : On my way home tonight, I was going pretty fast (yeah, it was only 75 mph, but that's fast for me) because I had to shit pretty bad. I went to pass this white Lancer Evolution with an exhaust. As I tried to pass him, he downshifted and I heard and saw him get on it. I thought, "Oh Hell no!" and mashed on the throttle. He got his rear bumper past my door before I started pulling on him. I was only barely pulling until my overspeed alarm told me I was going 90 (what I set it to, because I was getting annoyed at it when I would go over 80 mph sometimes tonight), after that I started to pull harder and harder until I was like 15+ cars ahead and Jenny shifted into 4th. At that point I just got in front of him and flashed my hazards for a few seconds and went back down to 75 mph. He then flew by and went along his way.

It was weird though, I went to pass him because I was cruising at 75 mph, and he was chillin' at probably 70 mph or so... then he wanted to all of a sudden start cruising at 90 mph after he got raped?

Anyway, sorry SCC, SS, IT, and whatever other magazines and people always say F/I is a replacement for displacement, but not even the 15-20 psi boost was enough to make up for 4 extra liters this time.

September 22, 2007 : On my way home from the gym this morning with my girlfriend, I was driving down the street and some guy in a silver E46 M3 convertible with the top down rolls up next to me for a second and does the downshift pull ahead thing (that's how I saw it was an M3, and the sexy side front fender vents) and slow back down to get next to me. I looked over and saw that it was some young guy wearing sunglasses. Now if you look at the current weather out here in Solano County (even Sacramento County too, I'd say... and the Bay Area), it's totally overcast and even drizzling a little tiny bit on occasion. I was thinking, "this guy is retarded, why would you drop your top in this weather and wear sunglasses?" And the princess confirmed it with a "He stupy man!" Anyway, we were then able to get to a stoplight with both of us in front. I was supposed to turn left down into my street, but I decided to stay and go straight and just take the long way around.

I turned off my music, and when I looked back over, he flipped us off. I then heard a honk from behind us, and saw an E36 behind us and he was calling something out to the guy in the E46. It sounded like "kick his ass", but my windows were closed, so I can't be 100% sure (but I am 90% sure). My heart was pumping, because I remember reading about E46s running almost as good 1/4 mile times, and he maybe modified. I was kinda nervous, and was actually wishing that my girlfriend wasn't with me at the time. She's not heavy, but weight is weight. I then set the overspeed alarm to 120, and waited for the light with the e-brake up.

When the light turned green, we took off. I got a bit more wheelspin than I wanted (I wonder how bad it would be if I didn't have T/C on), and he got ahead of me. But I started pulling on him once we got going, and I eventually passed him. Thing is, it took awhile. I mean, I was only "walking" up to him through second gear, and in third I started to pull slower and I was like "oh shit" until he had to shift and then I started walking past and away him easily. My girlfriend opened her window stuck her tongue out at him as we passed. I started to think "NO! NO THAT'S DRAG!" but I didn't say anything, she was having fun. When the overspeed alarm told me I was at 120 mph, I was several cars ahead, and I think he gave up because I started running away from him at that point.

This was by far the most exciting and STUPID AS FUCK race I've ever done. 120 mph on city streets is ridiculously stupid and dangerous. It felt good, but now I kinda hate myself. Anyway, I've been typing for too long, and am being bugged to help start making lunch.

September 26, 2007 : Earlier tonight, my friend with the SHOs (Sean) came by and we were working on gutting the Saturn some more. We went to get some dinner, and on the way home we were at a light and a silver 350Z with some blue lights rolled up next to us. When the light turned green, I went ahead and he zoomed by me and slowed back down to normal street speed. It looked and sounded like he had exhaust, so I guess he was modded a bit. Sean was all, "Oh man, no way." He doesn't have a chance. I agreed, and said that I'd go for it.

At the next light, we were still in front next to the Z, and when it turned green, I zoomed off. I guess he didn't think I was up for a race, since I totally left him there at the line. But as luck would have it, we lined up at the next light again! This time I figured I'd wait a split second to see if he wanted to go. I didn't hear him rev his engine, and since I don't have a manual, I wasn't about to rev in neutral and end up having to wait until the revs drop in case the light went green.

So when the light turned green, I listened to see if he was going at it. He was and I got on it right behind him. Through first gear, I wasn't really catching him, but he wasn't gaining. But then after Jenny got into second, he had to shift too... and it was all over. I ran up on him, and just flew by. It was way awesome, and it was super fun!

I rolled down the passenger window (the side he was on) and he rolled down his too. I was surprised (his windows were tinted too) to see it was what looked to be a 30-something year old black guy with some passenger. He smiled and said "You know I was just playing with you, right? I could have got you if I wanted." We were all, "What?!" Then he laughed and said, "Nah, just jokin' with you. Good race!" I smiled and also replied that it was a good race and gave him a thumbs up and we went on back to my house to fuck around with the Saturn some more.

Yes, it's not all that great of a kill, but his car cost just as much, if not more than, as mine.

October 1, 2007 : A guy in a Mustang Shelby GT (not a GT500 though, I wouldn't even try one of those) revved his engine at me today at a stoplight. I looked over and he gave me a "peace sign" and nod. I nodded back smiling, and pointed ahead at the light, letting him know I was down for a quick run.

As usual, I pulled the e-brake up and waited for the light to turn green. It did sooner than I thought, so I didn't get to pre-load the engine, and he got the jump on me. It sounded like a lot of wheelspin coming from his tires, but when I started, I got quite a bit of noise too. The stock 245 width tires just aren't cutting it with this car. Every time in first gear, I'm maxing out my traction throughout the entire gear.

I didn't catch him throughout first gear, but with a awesomely sexy chirp, Jenny shifted into second and we started to gain. By the time we hit the end of second gear, we were even with him. It seems like we both shifted into the next gear at the same time, because after shifting, Jenny started pulling ahead and passing easily throughout the gear. I cut the race at 120 when the overspeed alarm went off, and I was way ahead. I think he gave up once I passed him.

At the next light, he went to turn right, but rolled down his window and threw up another peace sign as he did. I smiled and gave a thumbs up.

October 13, 2007 : It's not really a kill, but while I was chillin' at the local 7 Flags for a two hours (I had them do the whole $150 shebang since she got a bunch of tree sap on her from where I had to work this week), I had like seven other guys compliment me on Jenny, and mention that they've never seen a car like her before. I love how this generation GTO is so rare! But even better was that overhearing me talking to the dudes, three women also commented that she was "pretty" and "a sexy car to match a sexy man". I went so gay and blushed as red as Jenny's "Spice Red Metallic" paint color at the last one for a few moments before I rebooted my manliness program.

November 24, 2007 : So on the way home from a party, I saw a 5th Genration (97-01) Honda Prelude and Subaru Imprezza STi fly by me. I raced an STi before, so I figured I'd catch up and see if they were down for a run. They were cruising at a bit above 80, and I lined up next to the STi, which was the front-runner of the pair and kept with him for a bit. The Prelude then switched lanes to my other side so that the STi was in the far left, I was in the next lane over on the right, and the Prelude was on my right after we passed a bunch of cars and the road ahead was clear.

After a few seconds and him showing off he had a turbo by revving and making his blow-off valve make noise, the Prelude started to honk his horn for the "three honks" start, but the STi jumped the gun before the third honk. At that point, I floored it and we all just took off. The STi stayed ahead of Jenny for awhile, with us gaining only inches at a time until around 110 mph, and we started to really pull up on him. We passed and had several cars ahead by the time 125 mph was showing on my digital speedometer, and I heard a blow-off valve from one of the two, but we just kept gaining more ground, but they wouldn't give up and there were still no cars ahead and it was straight, so I just kept my foot planted. When I hit 150 mph, we were just plain gone. I reached over and flashed the hazards, and eased off the throttle, letting Jenny slow down back to my normal 65 mph cruising speed (it sure took awhile, but I wasn't going to try and roast my brakes).

Eventually, the other two caught up and flew by me again and flashed their hazards at me as they disappeared into the night. I flashed mine back in farewell, and continued to control my breathing so that my heart rate would come back down to normal levels. Jesus... Jenny felt way more stable and controlled than Solacen did at 130+... and it also didn't take Jenny as long as Solacen to get there! Oh, and the funny thing is, my remaining "range" for how much gas I had left was 60 miles when I left the party, but by the time I finished the 15 mile drive home, it said I had 11 miles left.

November 29, 2007 : On my way home from the local Safeway, a guy in a Charger SRT-8 was in front of me, and moved over a lane as we approached the stoplight. I wasn't looking for a race, because I've read the specs, and those cars are a little faster than GTOs (bigger engine, more power, more torque, not too much more weight, more gears), and I know I'm no good at launches. When I pulled up next to him, I didn't look over because I was scared it might make him think I wanted to race. But then I heard him honk his horn, and I looked over. He had his window rolled down, and was trying to talk to me. I rolled down my passenger side window and he said, "Wanna go?" I guess this is what I get for changing my stock headlight bulbs to ones that are more blue-white.

I replied with, "Nah, you'll kill me."

And he said, "So what? It's just for kicks."

I sighed and gave him an "Alright, but I don't have a chance," and then rolled up my windows and pulled up the e-brake.

When all the cross traffic was done having it's turn, I waited for their light to turn red. I know that the lights here in Vacaville have a one second delay, so that's when I started to "torque brake" and then released the e-brake once the light went green. I expected either a major bogging, or tons of wheelspin, but wow... Jenny only chirped once, then again as I passed over the "limit line". I then eased into the throttle until I had it floored, and we just went. We didn't run away from the him at all, and I was freaked when I didn't see his lights getting any smaller after 100, like I'm used to seeing when I raced other people. I shut down and started braking at 120, because I wanted to be sure I was able to stop at the stop sign, but he kept going and flew right through it.

I really was expecting a loss this time, but I finally got a good launch. And man, those fucking Chargers are beasts! His car sounded awesome as it flew by me and ran the stop sign.

January 4, 2008 : I did something stupid, and I doubt that I'll be doing much of it in the near future. This past Friday, after visiting my Princess, I was on my way home when I ran into a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution. It didn't have the funky carbonfiber diffuser fins on the back of its roofline, so I figure it was an "Evo VII". I raced it (three times, but the first two had to be cut short because we were rapidly approaching traffic), and won... but it was really stupid, because even though the area didn't have any rain (there was so much rain and wind on Friday, that the power went out for over nine hours in several parts of Solano and Sacramento counties), the roads weren't completely dry.

The Evolution must have been modified, because I walked an Evo IX easy after 100 mph, but this one kept up with me only barely crawling away until 120, when I really started to pull away. Going 120 on not completely dried out roads in a rear wheel drive sportscar is stupid. I honestly felt the most scared this time, other than the time Solacen (my supercharged 2000 Accord V6) spun across all four lanes of the freeway and died. I've been up to 145 mph in Jenny (yes, very stupid) and felt relatively comfortable, but this time it felt different. At around 120, Jenny started to feel "light and floaty". I wanted to shut it down, but I wanted to be sure I killed the Evo first, so I took it to 130 and made sure that he was definately behind me and falling back in my rearview mirror. It was the scariest 10 mph I've felt thus far.

January 6, 2008 : I just had a nightmare, where I was racing Jenny against the Evo VIII again. It was like a replay of the dream. But this time, when Jenny started to feel floaty, my grip on keeping the steering wheel straight loosened, and I lost control of Jenny. I crashed, and everything went black. That's when I woke up. It's freaking me out a bit... so I figured I'd try to type this and relax a little so I can get back to sleep. I'm really thinking of keeping all high speed (100+ mph) antics on the track now. But we'll see how long this train of thought holds up.

July 3, 2008 : I was on my way home tonight, cruising at my normal 65 mph (I'm a habitual slow driver), when an orange G8 rolls up next to me and does a "pull ahead". Afterwards, he brakes a little bit and lets me catch up (I'm still on cruise control), and does it again. I haven't raced in months, so I figured I'd go for it. We were nearing the "causeway" between Sacramento and Davis (most NorCal folks should know where I'm talking about), so I knew there wouldn't be any police nabbing us. The highway was also pretty empty, so I figured it was as safe as it was going to get for us.

Turning off the cruise control, and then the traction control (which I only do when starting from a highway roll, she still scares the sh*t out of me), I go a little faster to pull up next to him. I rolled down my window because it's tinted, gave him a thumbs up and signaled "3" and mock pushed toward my horn for the three honk start. He nodded, and I rolled up my window. We were cruising at 75... so I figured I had a major disadvantage since I'm packing an A4 and the 2-3 shift is at around 80 mph. I don't know what the shift points are on the G8 GT's A6.

So I proceed with the three honk start, and waited half a second before going because the honker always has the advantage of anticipating the "go"... and I'm pretty sure I have more mods than him. I heard his car go WOT just as I squeezed down onto the throttle took off too. As predicted, Jennifer didn't give up second gear, so I "bogged". I don't know why, but he didn't even get his rear bumper past my front fender until I started to pull ahead of him. What also puzzled me was that I swear I heard his car over mine!

Anyway, once the "over speed" chime went off at 100, I was starting to run away and no longer heard him. By 140, his lights were really small in my rear view mirror. I shut down then, and went back to 65 mph. When he caught up, we rolled down our windows and I think he said "nice run, you're fast". I shook my head and gave a thumbs up again replying, "Yours looks better, and you can do more in your back seat!"

He laughed and waved as he sped off.

July 17, 2008 : I was on my way home from the Bay Area after having my preliminary eye exam for LASIK surgery. While passing through Fairfield, I saw a blue "poster child" IS-F. The guy inside looked like a richer young man (25-35) with a snazzy shirt and expensive sunglasses, while I was some poor schmuck in an Old Navy t-shirt and those janky plastic film sunshades the optomitrist gives you after you get your pupils dialated. I really hate Lexus (and Mercedes Benz), and I was feeling stupid and cocky, so I pulled up next to him, keeping pace for awhile, and did one of those "pulls" once he looked over at me.

To my surprise, the moment I let off the gas so I could fall back in line with him, he guns it! So I quickly get back on the throttle and we blast off! He was able to pull a fender ahead of me before he stopped gaining ground, and Jenny started to get into the sweet spot of the powerband and inch back even. I started to pull ahead at 120, and we got to where he was mostly in my blind spot (3/4 of a car?), but at that point I had to shift into 4th gear. After that we stayed where we were. 130... 140... 150... I COULD NOT PULL AWAY! We took it all the way up to about 155! STUPID!

So yeah, at about 155 or so, he fell back quick and I saw him in my mirrors. I know he let off at that point. I got lucky he didn't have the guts to take his new car all the way, because mine's computer limited to 158 mph, while the IS-F is like 170-something. I was really freaked out! I thought my much better power to weight ratio would give me an easy-ish kill, but the gearing for those cars must be some sort of epic awesome. Next time I go to Advanced Dyno, I'm going to have to ask them to retune Jenny and remove the speed limiter.

I'm stunned and am in a little awe of that car now... but I still hate Lexus and the fact that even though it cost TWICE AS MUCH as Jenny, it didn't beat her down. But God damn... I want a transmission with eight gears now... or anything more than this janky 4-Speed automatic!

But... if I didn't let him get the initial jump, Jenny would have walked away from him instead of having to catch up and pass. GO JENNY!

September 10, 2008 : I took Jennifer out to the track and raced her a bit on the dragstrip. She seems to have the right amount of power to be fast, but it's just so hard getting the power down to the ground. Unfortunately, GTOs have rear wheel clearance that only allows for tires and wheels that are too skinny for the amounts of power the engine puts out, so I'm stuck spinning my wheels for almost all of first gear. I need to work on my launching technique a lot more, because I'm only getting times that the expert drivers in magazines get for non-modified stock versions.

I was a bit happy though, because Jenny won all her races against two Mustangs (one previous generation, and current one), a turboed Civic, a turboed 240SX, an old Chevy muscle car I don't know the model of, and some snotty stuck-up girl's BMW! Jenny only lost to a 10-second Corvette with an awesome driver!

October 8, 2008 : I was at In and Out Burger having a late night meal tonight when a young guy who saw me drive up passed by my table and told me that Jennifer was a nice car, and asked me how fast she was.

I replied with my normal, "she's alright, not as fast as I want" when people ask me that question.

He then asked me what kind of times I got and I told him that if someone drove her right she'd get a high twelve, but I've only gotten a low 13 because I suck and can't launch well. I also mentioned that I'm still afraid to really get on it, because I'm not used to such a powerful car. What happened next almost made me laugh out loud.

He said, "If you think that's scary, want to see a really scary car?"

I looked out the window where he pointed his key fob and saw the tail lights of an Ion Redline flash. I blinked, and held in my laugh. I don't put people down for what they drive, especially since I normally drive a '97 Saturn SC2, and I've always been a believer that it doesn't matter what you drive because fast is fast.

"Wow, what'd you have done to it?" I asked.

"Nothing, but it's really fast." He replied.

"Oh, what times do you get?"

"I haven't taken it to the track, but it's got a supercharger. I'm pretty sure it can get a low 12 or high 11."

Feigning ignorance, and barely able to keep myself from busting up laughing, "Really? That's cool. I used to drive a supercharged Accord."

"So you want to race?"

"Nah, I'm cool. I can't risk a ticket. My insurance is already killing me." And it is, because I have an accident on my record.

He smirked and said, "Yeah I wouldn't want to get smoked either."

At that point, I got suckered in. If this guy had narrow eyes like me, and drove an STI or EVO... or some other Japanese F/I four banger, I'd understand he was just a retarded ricer and just let it go. But I really wanted to teach this guy a lesson.

"Alright," I said after swallowing my food. "Let's go on 505 North... I don't think there are any cops there usually. And you'll have an advantage from a roll since you're front-wheel-drive."

It was the closest highway, other than I-80... and with all the roadwork going on there with the repaving, I wasn't looking to get anymore rock chips. It's also a much deader/clearer stretch of highway (not to mention the fact that there are way more cops on I-80 too). And yes, I added that last part in so after I romped on him, he would know he had no excuses. As I finished my food, I told him that we'd start at 55 mph and I'd let him do the honking so he can have another split second advantage. It was only going to be one honk, because I didn't want to take any chances of attracting too much attention. After that we went out to our cars and I led the way to the onramp.

When we got on the highway and it was straight, I slowed down to 55 and put the gear selector in second so I would be sure that I didn't get denied the downshift (she's an automatic). He pulled into the left lane and lined up with me for a few seconds until I heard his horn make a short beep and he floored it, his car jumping forward a bit. I took my time in response and just rolled into the throttle as I put it back in D so she could shift when supposed to.

It's been awhile since I actually felt pushed back into the seat and heard the nice sounds of the engine, I started to smile and get all giddy when I passed him like it was nothing. When I saw him get really small in my rear-view mirror I slowed down to 65 mph to let him catch up. As he got closer, I heard him downshift and get on it again so he could fly by. I rolled back onto the throttle, but since I left it in D, no downshift. It didn't matter much, even with the big headstart on accelerating, he only got a little bit ahead before I flew by him again. I stayed on it until 120 mph just to show him how much better the GTO gets at triple digits, and he was a speck in thet mirror.

"Oh my! That was such a really scary car!" I thought to myself.

I wanted to slow back down and let him catch up so I coujld give him a thumbs up, but before he did, he took an exit that I'd already passed. So I took the next exit, and went back the other way so I could get home. Now I need to go and clean off the damn bugs.

December 22, 2008 : I won $100 this morning... but the sorry ass loser didn't give me the money.

I parked next to a guy who was also just parking at Denny’s when I went to get breakfast this morning. He had a blue 350Z. When I revved the engine before turning off the car (my dad taught me to do it whenever I parked because it’s better for the battery, I’m not some retarded punk kid), the guy and his friend/brother/whatever looked over as he was getting out of his car. When I stepped out, he said, "Nice car, how fast is it?"

I replied, "Not that fast, but fast enough for my grandpa driving ass."

"What's it got?"

"Not much, just bolt-ons... maybe 450 or so at the crank."

"I've got a turbo kit on mine, and I want to test it out, but nobody wants to race me."

"I'll bet," I figured I'd patronize him a bit, make him feel good about the money he spent. Plus, I don't like street racing. "I wouldn't want to mess with you either."

"Come on, let's race, the freeway's right there." He then added, "I'll give you $100 if you beat me."

That caught my ear (yes, I'm so poor that $100 gets my attention). I remembered reading about a Greddy turbo kit in Car and Driver that made the car have a bit over 350 horses to match the 350Z name, and I figured that he had exhaust and stuff to bump it a bit more. So maybe his car and Jenny's power to weight ratios were about the same. It would be an interesting race.

"What if I lose?" I asked, not having nor wanting to lose $100 myself.

"Nothing," he answered.

At that point, I knew he wasn't going to give me $100 if I won, but my curiousity was perked. I knew it's stupid to race, but it was kinda dry now after yesterday's rain... and there wasn't much traffic on I-80 yet. So we got back in our cars and I followed him to the freeway entrance which was just down the street less than a hundred yards. When I lined up next to him and dropped Jenny into 2nd, I put up 3 fingers and pointed to him to do the honking. With the popularity of "Street Fire dot com" just about everyone knows the "3 honks" start, so he figured it out and started the honking.

I was lucky enough to see him through his window and watch the honks so I could have a visual reaction rather than auditory (people react faster to visual stimuli than they do audio), and when I saw him start to press it the third time, I got on it just in time to start at the 3rd horn, canceling out most of the honker's advantage (everyone reacts faster to their own actions).

I think he still got a few inches on me at the start, but we ran pretty much even, with Jenny's sexy engine sounds barely able to be heard over his more free-flowing exhaust. When I pushed the shifter up into 3rd, I fell back half a car or so. I got scared because I thought he was just going to keep pulling away!

"Come on, Jenny, please! You can do this!" I spoke to her encouragingly.

At that point, it seemed like she listened and came alive, because that's when we started walking up and passing him. It was so exciting, and I was all "YES BABY! YOU DID IT!" I kept on it up to 135-140 mph, when we had a huge lead by then and she was at redline in 3rd and ready for me to shift her up into 4th. I took the next exit and made my way back to the Denny's and waited for him to come back for 15 minutes. But as I expected, he didn't show up with my $100.

January 8, 2009 : In the darkness of the cold early morning, Jennifer and I were on our way to the gym so I could work on dropping some of the weight I gained over the holidays. Rolling up to the 4-way stop, I see some HID lights to my right. I didn't think anything of it, since I was just getting over my morning grogginess and already on my way. Turning left, I continue on to my destination. But as I drive on, I see the fancy car roll up next to us and keep even for a few moments. I look over, and barely through Jennifer's window tint, I see some skinny looking Asian guy that's probably somewhere around my age. When he sees me look over he zooms forward ahead and I see the rear of an Infiniti G37, with the little "S."

"Oh come on, you can't be serious?!" I thought to myself, then spoke to my baby. "I know it's early sweetheart, but I think it's a good time for you to have a nice luxury breakfast of fried rice."

There was a stop sign a bit ahead, so I flash my foglights at Infiniti Boy a few times and turn off the traction control while rolling a little bit onto the throttle to catch up. The guy stops and waits for me to pull up and stop next to him. But right when I stop, before I could prepare to brake torque, he just mashes on his accelerator pedal and starts to take off. Instantly, I react and roll onto the throttle to go after him. I hear his tires make two chirps as they loose a little traction while going over the crosswalk before Jennifer's engine gets loud and her tires burnout through all of first gear in a continous screech. Damn the cold weather!

We rush up to the G37's rear bumper when it's time for the upshift, and with a slightly long chirp Jennifer blasts past as we blaze through 2nd gear. The road was slightly curved, and the guy in the Infinity had the "inside lane," but it didn't help any in easing the rapage! I keep on it until it's almost time for 3rd, Jennifer feeding the G37 more of her exhaust. We're a bit over 80, and the Infiniti's HIDs are a distant glow in the rear view mirrors.

I'm totally awake and a bit shakey with adrenaline when we come to the red light at the next intersection. Infiniti Boy catches up, and I roll down the passenger-side window to give him a thumbs up, and am greeted with a blast of cold air. But as he comes up to the light, he doesn't look over at all, and hastily makes a right turn. I sigh, and we sit there alone at the intersection until the light turns green. Looks like the both of us had a good workout this morning!

January 21, 2009 : On the way to school this morning, Jenny and I were minding our own business in that empty area on I-80 between Vacaville and Fairfield when a trio of 240SXs fart past us (silly TOONer kids like to call them "Silvias"), a black, red, and white one. I sighed and wondered how people could actually think that they sound good with exhausts that loud and droney. But I notice the white one's brake lights light up and he slows down until he's next to us. "Oh, come on! Please, not today." I say aloud.

But lo and behold, I hear him rev his engine and "pshew... fart... pshew... fart" he shows off that he has a turbo with a blow-off valve to me. I look over and roll my eyes with a shrug. Weakly smiling, I hold up three fingers. He nods with a middle finger as a reply. Sliding the transmission down from D to 2, and turning off the traction control, I take my foot off the gas until Jenny drops herself down into 2nd gear. By now, the other the red one lines up with me in the slow lane to my right (I normally drive in the 2nd lane of the highway) and the black one is behind the white one. I wait for someone to honk his horn once we start cruising around 60 mph, but nobody does, so I start doing the three-honk start. Beeeep... beeeep... FAAARRT! Mother fucker in the white started before we were supposed to!

Reactively, I punch the throttle and slide the shifter back into D. RRRRAAAAHHHHH! Jenny pushes me back into the seat as we give chase. We totally leave the red and black ones behind, and by the time we hit 3rd his front bumper is at Jenny's hips (rear quarter panels). After the short shifting pause, she continues to scream and pull away. The overspeed alarm chimes at 100 mph, and I check my mirrors as I get off the gas. All three are lengths and lengths behind.

I start to get back into my normal driving groove, but a quick check in the mirror shows white and red trying to charge up again. I drop her shifter down to 3rd so we can get ready and when they're a length or two behind, I mash on the gas again and accelerate with them. This lets them pull up ahead a little since they were already accelerating through their powerband as they caught up, but I timed it right so that once the white guy's door was aligned with Jenny's front, we matched speed and just blew by him again. The red guy wasn't as fast, so he didn't even pull up next to us by that time. But at least this time around, I got to hear both of their silly little blow-off valves when they shifted. Sorry fellas, no ricer fly-by for you! To end the nonsense, I switched into the same lane as the white one, since he was the fastest of them, and flashed my hazards in his face since that's what ricers do. I kept on it until we hit around 120 mph or so, and then just got back in the 2nd lane and set the cruise control back to 65 mph. By now we were approaching the area of Fairfield where there's a decent amount of traffic, so no more racing... thank God. They ended up passing us again and I gave them a smile and a peace sign... but all they gave me was a mean-mug and finger.

And ricers always say V8 domestics don't have any top-end power? Stop reading Super Sport or Import Tuner, your cars aren't that fast. And if it matters any, the black and white ones were the hatchbacks with the flippy lights, and the red one was the last generation one with the angry looking lights (I think they call it a "Kouki").

April 3-5, 2009 : So Jenny and I had a "Fast and Furious" weekend. While working at my part-time job near the local theater on Friday night, I saw and heard a lot of ricers and meatheads come and go. It annoyed me, so after I got off work in the evening, I went home and pulled Jenny out of the garage to go out and cook some rice. We proceded to kill and shut down ricer after ricer after ricer that wanted a piece. I knew that just driving back and forth on the freeway would yield a ton of retards that just got out of the movie looking for a race. And since I'd been driving around all night, I knew where the cops were hanging out from the Radar/Lidar detector going off over and over while I drove normally for scouting.

Then, on Saturday, I went to go see the movie myself... and looked for some more rice to cook. One dumb-ass chased tailgated me out the theater parking lot, and to the freeway where he tried to pull up and pass. Sorry, but like the many others that fell this weekend, he did too. After that, I did the back and forth loop between my city and the next one over (it also has a theater) as the night before. It was supposed to be over after Saturday night, but on my way home from church Sunday afternoon, a final batch of rice had to be cooked as some guy getting on from the onramp near the theater tried to show off and rev on me.

Looking back on it, I'm lucky we didn't get pulled over and end up having Jenny sent to a crusher. But even worse, I've proven myself to be a big fat loser hypocrite. I try to tell people to keep racing at the track, and that's where I do the vast majority of my fast driving... but I don't know what it is about stupid kids thinking they're all super fast with their lame overhyped cars that gets me to want to shove their misguided arrogance and stupidity back down their throats.

I checked the oil catch can after Friday and Saturday nights, and there was a significant amount of oil in it. It had me a little worried that I maybe broke something, but on Sunday there was nothing. I guess it's true that it's normal for the LS2 to burn a little oil when at full throttle.

What we killed, and what killed us, over the weekend are as follows:

RICE WE SERVED
240SX
335i
350Z x2
Accord V6
Boxster S
Camaro Z28
Charger R/T
Charger SRT-8
Civic x3
Cobalt SS
Cooper S
CRX
G35
GTI
Impreza STi x2
Integra
IS300
Lancer Evolution
Mazdaspeed3
Mustang x2
Mustang GT x5
Mustang Shelby GT (not GT500)
Neon SRT-4
RX-8
Tiburon V6

GOT SERVED BY
Camaro SS
Charger SRT-8
Corvette C6
Mustang GT

So two tanks of gas and almost 500 miles of driving around... Jenny deserves a very long break. Best $100 I've spent in a long time. What I liked was that most folks were cool about getting beat this time. Not onw time did we get "the finger" and the majority either gave a nod, peace-sign, or a thumbs-up. Of course, I always gave my goofy smile with a thumbs-up. Maybe it's because the racers were of a more playful nature since it was most likely in the spirit of having seen a car movie recently? What was weird was that nobody in an older "muscle car" wanted to race.

June 11, 2009 : Are all RX-7 drivers arrogant pricks?

On my way home from work, I'm at the stoplight near my house where there's a mile-long straight (the Leisure Town end of Elmira Road, for those of you who know the area) and just minding my own business, when I hear the loud obnoxious fart of a rotary engine and whatever huge exhaust he might have had pull up next to me. My window is open, since it's a nice cool day today. I take a look, and it's a black one with some painted calipers, two chubby white boys inside. The passenger sticks his middle finger at me, and yells, "GTOs can kiss my ass! Pontiac's dead!"

Then the driver revs his engine and shows off his "blow-me" valve. I roll my eyes, but it isn've visible since I had my sunglasses on. I mean, really? Fucking dicks! I shake my head, roll up my window, and turn off the traction control while waiting for the light. I hear him rev up his engine in preparation for his launch, and I just sit and try to relax. I've never raced one before, and I don't know how extensive his mods are, so my heart rate goes up a bit... and GREEN!

We both leave at the same time, and Jenny fights for traction throughout all of 1st. The cars are pretty much even, until I hear the "PSSHHH!" of his blow-off and he starts to pull, but then Jenny upshifts and the tires chirp one last time as we start to pull back and then walk away. I barely hear the blow-off valve go one more time behind me, but we continue to just run away. By the 100 mark, he's already several lengths behind, but he isn't giving up. This is getting dangerous, so at 110 or so, I signal and get in front of him in his lane and flip on the lights so my tail-lights light up as I ease off the gas. That way he thinks I hit my brakes and slows down, but I also don't slow down too fast in front of him to cause an accident.

I smile as I watch his nose dip in the rear view as he hits his brakes. I roll my windows back down, and when we get to the he pulls in the right lane as I get into the left-turn lane. The driver yells, "Fuck muscle cars!"

I just lift up my shades, and give him a wink while shooting him with my finger and reply, "The legend never dies!"


So far, every single RX-7 owner I've met outside of the two that I've met at the autocross has been an arrogant prick! Why? Are they just angry people who get upset when their halo car gets beaten by a cheap-o Pontiac? Anyway, I mean... really? And why do TOONers keep calling my car a "muscle car?" My car isn't a muscle car, it's a GT. You wouldn't call a V8 Vantage or an CLK500 a muscle car, but it's the same thing. A big engine stuffed in a mid-sized grand tourer.*

They also need a lot more mods to keep up. And when they finally do, they think they've accomplished something! Are import punks really that ignorant? When will they ever realize that mod for mod, dollar for dollar "muscle cars" will be faster in high speed situations (dragstrip, freeway, a fast circuit track, the 'Ring, etc.).


*Wait, that's the definintion of "muscle car," a midsized or compact car packed with a bigger than standard engine (generally a V8). So I guess Aston Martins, Mercedes, BMWs, and Ferraris are "muscle cars."

August 5, 2009 : Blow-Off Valves = Male Enhancement Pills?

On my way home from picking up some Quizno's sandwiches for dinner and flirting with one of the local Jamba Juice jailbait girls, some young guy mashes up to my side in his Impreza (what kind, i don't know, it was debadged and wingless), and blows off his blow off valve which is ridiculously too loud like three or four times before speeding off ahead. Given that I've been in a testosterone fueled mood lately from all my recent weight loss and strength building visits to the gym, I decide that for great justice I will put him in his place.

So I moderately chase him along a few streets, hearing his stupid blow-off valve again and again as he tries to show off, until we get up to a stoplight on a long straight road in town. Unfortunately, there's a pick-up in the next lane over, so I have to settle in behind him. When all the cross traffic is done, I hear him rev up and hold at a higher RPM for his launch. The burble of the Subaru 4-banger was pretty nice, and I felt a bit bad for the beating I was going to give the car. It wasn't her fault she was being driven by someone compensating for his lameness. While waiting, I luckily remember to turn off the traction control and enter "super performance mode."

When the light goes green, he peels off a little bit and I peel off a bit more. We pass the pick-up like it wasn't even moving, and I hear that annoyingly loud screechy metallic whistle as he shifts into second gear. I ease Jennifer over into the unoccupied lane, and straighten out just in time for her to shift into second with that awesome chirp of the rear wheels I've come to know and love. We roar up next to him just in time for another "KSHEEW," but we gain a car length before Jennifer's 80-85 mph shift into third gear. For a moment he inched back up maybe a half car length so that I could see his front bumper next to me, but then as she got back up in the powerband, Jennifer started to walk away.

I was worried there for a moment, because if it doesn't happen by 3rd gear... baby girl usually takes a loss. I heard another stupid blow-off through the sweet sounding 8-cylinder orchestra, and we gained another length or two before hearing yet another... albeit somewhat fainter. Hearing them in closer succession, I knew he let off and gave up. I stuck my hand out the window and gave a peace sign as I slowed down and we approached a red light at the next intersection. I had to go right, so I could detour back home, and he was going to make a left. I waited at the light for him to catch up, but when he did... he didn't look over to see my silly grin. I did notice while he was in the driver side rear view mirror, that he had a front mounted intercooler. I always thought the intercooler was supposed to be located by the hoodscoop on those cars.

So there it is boys and girls, like penis enhancing pills that don't really give you a bigger cock, unnecessarily loud blow-off valves don't make you faster. And just because you have a loud blow-off valve, doesn't mean you have to go and try to flash it by doing pointless clutch revs, especially if it sounds like an obnoxious little whistle. For fuck's sake, get one with more of a "whoosh" instead of a "psheew."

What made it really hilarious was that we started BEHIND HIM, and had to wait for him to start moving first. WHY WHY WHY do import TOONer kids do stupid shit like picking fights with us? It's like they have small-man/small-dog syndrome to go along with their small engines. They always try to pick fights with bigger guys/dogs.

October 31, 2009 : On the way home from some Halloween festivities over the weekend, my friend Garret and I were talking about all the hot slutty outfits some of the women wore at the party we were just at. Then along come some HIDs in the mirror and a 370Z passes us going somewhere around 80-85 MPH,while we're chillin' at 65 MPH in the slow lane along HWY 37. Then he brakes to get lined up with us. I put a pause in our conversation and immediately turn off the traction control and pull the automatic shifter down to 2nd.

Kuya: Yeah, those fire dancer girls were way too hot... pun intended, and the hot vampire lady that was all over you was... hold on a sec... I think this guy wants some.

Once he got lined up with us, he just mashed and pulled forward, and I followed suit. It was total rapage! It took about a second for us to match his speed (since he gunned it first) and then just walk passed him like it was nothing. My "overspeed" alarm was set to 80 MPH, and when it went off, Jennifer's front bumper had just pulled ahead of the Nissan's.

Garret: That was awesome!

Kuya: Oh man! The 370 is a fucking joke! Fucker got smoked by a cheap-o Pontiac with an extra fucking passenger! America, fuck yeah!

November 8, 2009: After my friend's birthday party for his son last night, I figured that I'd go out to the local street racing spot to see if anything was going down, since I had the GTO, nothing else to do, and the moon was still decently near full. So I stopped by the house to take off my license plate, and headed out into the "cuts." Turns out there was! Unlike the movies, the "scene" around here isn't all lit up with dozens of cars, loud music, guys walking around with $Gs in their pockets, or a road that could support having four or more cars racing at once. It was out in the "boonies," cold, dark, on a two lane road, and only around 10-15 cars there at a time depending on how many left and how many showed up to replace them.

I managed to win $120 (yeah... I know, chump change) over the four races I participated in. The first one was against a 240SX with the hatch back and the old school telephone hand-piece looking rear lights. It had an SR20DET swapped in, he said something about an upgraded turbo too. I took him for $20. The next race was my closest, which was a turbo Civic hatchback with a "Frankenstein" engine. I got the launch on him, but still had to fight for traction, and only crawled away from him throughout the race. His shit was fucking loud! We actually kept on it past the painted quarter-mile estimate, but the crawl started to turn into a walk until he finally shut it down. $60 for me! The third race was against some guy in a 3rd generation RX-7 who had an obnoxious sounding exhaust, an easy-ish $40. I noticed he would start to pull up in the mirror pretty hard, but then fall back as he had to shift. My last race was against an exhaust only "Terminator" generation Mustang GT with an undisclosed amount nitrous shot. Even though I won, I didn't take his money, since I liked his car and he had a good attitude.

Best race of the night was between some guys in a Supra Turbo and a Camaro SS TT. The guy in the Supra was asking for several lengths of a headstart, and the Camaro guy was all, "This ain't 'Pinks.' If you're not fast enough for a heads-up grudge, then don't even try to step up." The Camaro won. There was an Evo and STi race that was pretty interesting too. The Evo guy had an awesome launch that made my jaw drop.

No cops by the time I left, but I still had that nervous gut feeling the whole time. Autocross season can't start back up soon enough! Or maybe I should put the money I won toward a 360 and Forza 3? I'm getting to old for the street stuff, my nerves and stomach can't handle it.