The Story of the Land Ark

Before:

My mom married my step-dad in 1982 and in tow was his 1967 Chevy Impala. It was gold with a white top. He had bought it from his brother several years before, just before he had passed away. A few years before, the original 327 had crystallized, so he had it replaced with a small block 305. It ran well enough to drive. Though it tended to belch thick black smoke. There's an old picture of me just after getting covered in soot when he gunned it with me standing behind it.

He had never taken particularly good care of it. People would hit it, and he would just wave it off and never get it fixed. The seats were torn to shreds. The trunk was filled with junk.

In 1985 he parked it. His mom had passed away and he took her newer car (a 1975 lime green Nova - we called the Lime-mobile) and then parked the Impala at the end of the driveway in the dirt. And it sat there until 1993. Everyday someone would say we needed to get the heap to the junk yard.

Flash forward.
I was 15 and ready to start thinking about getting a car. I had about $10k to work with. In 1993, a $10k car would have been a new Geo or something used. I don't know how it came up, but somehow we all agreed I should fix up the Impala instead of buying something new. So we called my uncle who lives in New Hampshire and has the ability to restore cars and asked him what he thought. He decided to come down and take a look at the car.

Here's what he saw.

It was in rough shape. But after looking at the frame, and seeing it was largely rust-free, it got the okay. We were going to try it.
Now... the hard part. How to get it to New Hampshire without a trailer.
My uncle had brought a couple of his buddies in his motor home. The first thing they did was try to get it started. The engine had been sitting for years without being even turned over.
So, we got a new battery and put in some new spark plugs.
... are you kidding me? It started on the first try.
Okay, it runs, but does it drive? They slapped some new tires on and took it out and around the block and it seemed to run fine. It had a nice hole in the windshield that the wind poured through, but it drove.
The next thing they needed to do was patch the huge hole in the left quarter. A little bondo and presto:

And, for good measure, they strapped a coffee can to the muffler to cover up the gaping holes in it.

It was ready to go to New Hampshire - a 500 mile journey - with still wet bondo and air conditioning made of rust that could not be turned off.

They left my house and I got the story of the trip when they got home.
In Pennsylvania, it got pulled over. That's what happens when you have plates that expired 6 years ago and an inspection sticker from 8 years ago. They explained what was going on, and the cop let them go.
Then, in Massachusetts, they had to stop at a toll booth. There was a problem... the brake pedal went to the floor with no reaction from the car. They talked it over and decided the only way to stop was to use the rear bumper of the motor home. But, then decided to aim for the center of the toll lane and hope for the best. They blew the toll and no one came after them.
Luckily that was the end of the problems. They got it back to the shop and parked it.

It sat in the mud, up to the doors from November until June when I got up there to start working on it when school let out.

Unfortunately I don't have any good pics of the build. These were the days before digital cameras.
I spent most of my time tearing the car down. I gutted the interior and sanded the whole car from front to back. I even got stung by a wasp living in the front fender. But, before it could start getting put back together, summer was over. I had to go home.
I wasn't around for paint or for the interior getting put back in. We kept the same engine.
I decided I wanted to keep the 2-tone on it, but the gold HAD to go. I decided I wanted it to be teal on the body and have silver on the roof. At the time, teal was a rare color. Once I picked the color chips, I was gone.

The rest of the process was documented by my uncle sending me Polaroids of the car under a cover after it was painted and of my dash in pieces. He had funny captions like "This is what your car cover looks like" and "This is your dash on drugs."

It took another 2 months to complete, and in November that year it was done. I was anxious to go get it. But, I was told I would have to wait until Christmas when we went up to New Hampshire.
I was awakened a few days later by my mother telling me there was something wrong with my step-dad's car (1987 Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser station wagon with wood paneling) that I had driven the night before. I didn't recall doing anything to it and she made me get up and go look at it.

This is what greeted me...

Page 1: Before (current)
Page 2: Heyday
Page 3: Current
Page 4: Land Ark Narrative
Page 5: My day at the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety