Well, the exhaust on my van was starting to rust up, so I figured another year or two before I need to replace the whole system (given I keep it out of the snow and store it indoors, etc). Well, on Monday I walked out to the van after school and climbed in. Upon pushing the starter button like every other day, the engine erupted into a loud, droning roar. If I was a regular teenager, I probably wouldn't mind this but it's a little obnoxious for my taste. So, after discovering the motor wasn't about to explode, I drove home to diagnose the problem. This is what I found:

Looks awfully clean for rust-breakage, though. Almost as if someone took a saw to it. While I doubt someone could do that, I just emailed my school principal to look at the camera footage that day for any suspicious activity with, say, a hacksaw. I tried some of that exhaust tape crap, wrapped tight, and it was quiet for approximately thirty seconds before it was back to brap-a-braaap-braaaaaaap. So, until I get access to some welding equipment, a large exhaust clamp was in order.

How To: Make a patch repair with none of the proper tools or equipment

Step 1: How to get under a lowered Vanagon with no access to a jack

Just back 'er onto a durn cinder block, I reckon! That gave me pretty good access to the exhaust without hitting my head.

Step 2: How to install the exhaust clamp without any of the proper tools.

Just use a pair of channel locks and vice grips to hold the bolt in place.

After this point, I had the clamp tightened all the way and it still had room to slide around. That was no good. I needed something to patch the gap and add thickness so the clamp would stay. This leads us to:

Step 3: Think hard. You don't have the right tools, or the right equipment. Just an exhaust clamp, some pliers and a cinder block.

Suddenly my dad arrived. He was armed with a Chef Boyardee can and the most fantastic idea. Cutting the can top and bottom off, and cutting lengthwise across the can made a fantastic temporary exhaust wrap.

Step 4. Yay! Wrap the can around the exhaust gap and tighten clamp

See? In five simple steps, you too can make your exhaust somewhat quieter until you are able to weld it up. Lesson learned: You can never have enough tools.

For the record, yes I am a teenage guy. Yes I drive an old Volkswagen van. Yes, I have long-ish hair. However,  I stay away from drugs and alcohol. Some of my friends do not. That doesn't make them bad people, but that kind of stuff is not for me. I have a great future ahead of me, a great relationship, a great family and a great job. I don't plan on messing it up with drugs.