The Story (Saga) of 'Aretha'

Molested at a young age...damn you Disco!! Damn you and your catchy sythesizer music, lighted dance floors, and double-knit, bell-bottom, reversible slacks! DAMN YOU!!

Seriously though...

My grandfather bought this van back in 1985 or 86, used. He re-geared it and used it to tow his airstream trailer all over the country researchign our family geneology with my grandma.

When he passed in 1993, the van was inhereted by my mother. When my 1993 Ford Ranger lowrider was broken into at work, and the window shattered, int he middle of winter, she let me borrow the van, and after a week and a half (how long it took to track down a PS window for the truck), my mom sold it to me for $1.00. Yes, 4 quarters, 8 bits, one Geroge Washington Greenback.

ANd so the fun began.

SHortly after that I stripped the runnign boards and got a dual flowmater exhaust for my birthday (the original 2-1 exhaust rusted away), and then a set of chrome smoothies. And so the fun times began. Many a warm afternoon or cool winter night was spent int he back of that van with several girlfriends. Hence the need for new upholstery, I say no more. It went on a road trip to New Orleans and back, hauled my 72 and 77 MG Midgets home on a trailer, was my main mode of transport for several weeks after I blew an axle on my 2000 Tiburon at the racetrack, and otherwise was a dependable and fun backup ride.

I'll admit....the pure 1970's funkyness that oozed from this big-bore boxy beauty had a coolness to it...like the BeeGee's, Barry White, or heck, even our good ol' modern day throwback Beck. But nothing so cool because of it's sheer and utterly wrong disregard for good taste can last forever.

My good ol' faithful shag-wagon, Aretha, she started to become long in the tooth. Rust appeared where rust aught not be. Things began to idle wrong, or knock, or scream. Doors got clanky, carpet worn, rear seat fabric torn.

And so, it was time to lay to rest her post-Vietnam-era heritage, to shattter the disco-ball glitziness of her youth. Yes, old (I use old in a relative term...this thing was born the same year I was) Aretha (yes I named her...voulez vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?) was ready for a makeover, a teardown, for a re-birth....

Her bad-ass side is now slowly starting to show...introducing...

My DAILY DRIVEN 1978 Dodge Tradesman B200 3/4-Ton "Rat Rod" In The Making.

Shaved tails (still roughed in) and '39 Ford teardrops. Still need to shave the side markers. Ah the work never ends...but making metal smoke is fun!!

Ugly in any decade. Hence 'DSCOVN1' As in Disco Van 1! But we're gonna fix that!! And change the plates. I'm thinking RatBox1 would be nice...

Quad, four inch iron-cross motorcycle mirrors. Contrary to popular belief, they actually work pretty well. And look dang cool doing it!!

Ugly from any angle too. But so was Joan Rivers before someone started welding on her, right? If there's hope for Joan, Areatha has a prayer.

Close up of the tails. Nifty eh?

What a sweet rear. Aretha got back, yo!

Rocker repairs. The PS is about a 12x7" patch. Notice the shaved joint between the lower body and the rocker door jamb piece. That took some sandblasting and crative body filler use...and about 5 hours of sanding, filling, sanding and filling. The DS is all new metal 20" from the wheel well forward and from the body line down.

** I'll post more pics of the vinyl and seating material when I get a chance to get around to it. I have 20 yards of much more tasteful vinyl, and the coolest 1950's throwback brocaid seat facing material. I swear it is too damned pimp for words!! Feel free to give feedback/tips (especially about lowering kits and rare body flares, etc.) at Ten1378@aol.com. And PLEASE check out my boys and girls in crime at http://www.envuscc.com. I'll keep updatign this site as the seats and bodywork and such come together...**

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!!UPDATE!! 11/03/05

Here are some pics of the interior materials.

Here's what 20 yards of Vinyl, 6 yards of headliner material (for quilting), and 8 yards of 50's nifty brocaid look like BEFORE you butcher them into seats. All I need is a crapload of black piping, about 6 yards of plain black material, and a winter of weekends...

A close up of the seat faceing material laid againt the vinyl for comparison and laid over the black headliner to give you an idea how things will co-ordinate on a primer-black van

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!!UPDATE!! 11/19/05
The DEATH of 'Aretha'???

At about 9:30-9:40 am, a woman in a Ford Taurus T-Boned old Aretha. She blew through a stopsign and was watching the people to her right do yard work. She never even looked up until literally the last moment before she hit me. Thank god she is insured. No tickets were issued however. Here is the damage. Aretha may be totalled. Let's hope not.

After a 2 month long fight with the lady's insurance company, St. Paul Travelers, in which things got VERY dirty, we have now, finally settled. I wish I could say more (because there is MUCH more to be said), but I prefer not to be sued. Even though in my opinion certain good faith issues and unfair claims practice laws may have been violated, we'll just leave it at that.

This settlement, (though I think it is low), should, assuming the van's frame is not torqued, provide me enough capital to repair the damage done to Ol' Aretha, and then finish her out. Perhaps with change to spare.

Ever since a month or so after the frackin' accident, the tranny whines in reverse when it's cold and generally just doesn't feel right. So it is sitting at Aamco to have the tranny looked at. After that, and depending on what they say, I will order a new side panel (Approx $575-600), get myself a spot welder, and fix the old girl up better than new....again.

Here's to not letting old iron rust.
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!!UPDATE!! 8/13/05
Still working on this...

Yep, Even thought he side is still wrecked, I dropped her yesterday.

Wait, let me back this up. My wife an I are now parents. We found out she was pregnant about 1 month after the wreck. She also lost her job a short time after that. So the money we got in January, was, well, earmarked for things like food, mortgage, etc. And the van never got fixed.

Fastforward to two weeks ago...pulling onto my street (cobblestones) I heard a horrid crack and squeak and creaking. I checked and the rear PS leaf srping shackle mount sheared OFF. Yes, off, O-F-F clean. The spring was sitting on the FLOORBOARD. And the stress broke the spring wraps too...so it was shot.

But....I liked the look so much (that side droppe dalmost 2 inches), I was inspired. I went to the junkyard and found a new shackle and spring...but it just didn;t sit right...it was baout 2 inches too high...odd as it was a 3/4 ton spring..jsut newer.

Anyway, I called St. Louis Spring and Brake, and it was $95 a pop for original replacement, or....$95 for 2" drop springs.

No brainer.

THe rear was drop leaves, the fronts are cut coils, one coil removed. Now that the baby is here, as $50 pop up here spare, or $100 can be scrounged there, I will be doing more to her, as I can.

Here's to not letting old Iron rust in peace....

ENJOY

BEFORE
AFTER

BEFORE
AFTER

And other fun pics:

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Engine/Drivetrain Specs and Mods

-Stock rebuilt 360cid (5.9L) V8 2 Barrel Holley
-New Water Pump
-K&N Air Filter
-True Dual Exhaust With 2 Chamber Flowmasters and Side Exit
-New 3-Core Radiator (original was a twin core)
-9mm Accel Wires
-No Compuer Controls At All
-No Emission Controls From The Factory
-Re-built (and retuned) factory 3 speed with shift kit.
-Rebuilt and re-geared (3.23 to 2.82) 10 bolt rear end.

Suspension and Wheel Mods

-ARE 15x7.5 Chrome Smoothies Up Front With 15x7.5 Reversed Smoothies in Rear
-265/50/15 Dunlop Qualifiers.

Interior Mods

Full 1981 Mark Van Conversion including...
-Shag Carpeting
-Refrigerator/cooler
-Aircraft-style lights
-Fold down rear bench/bed
-Shortie Rear Buckets
-Front Captain's Chairs
-Velvet Curtains
-Yards and Yards (approx 30 to be exact) of Old-Skool Brown Vinyl
-Full Resto Coming Over the Winter All Done by Yours Truly and Company in a 1950's Style...

Exterior Mods

...In Progress...
Currently: Original Custom Two Tone Yellow and Metallic Brown with Patches of Black Primer from...
-Shaved Taillights
-Shaved Original Rear Conversion Windows
-Shaved Body Lines
-Four New 4" Iron-Cross Motorcycle Mirrors
-Four New 1939 Ford Teardrop Taillights.
-Repaired rockers.

Audio Mods

-Sony Cassette Deck With 10-Disc Sony Changer
-4 Pioneer 3 way 6.5" Components
-More To Come
-Likely Another Pair of 6.5" Componenets and Tweets + Subs.

Future Mods

...a funky 1970's flare will soon cross-breed with a rat-rod primer job...
-Black Primer/Suede paint
-Shaved Turn Signal Side-Markers
-Shave Rear Door handles.
-Replace rear doors (lower rust through problems)
-Fix remaning minor rust issues
-Finish Tranny and rear-end rebuild
-Finish (over winter) interior including re-covering seats
-Lower with either bags or a hard-drop
-New Windsheild
-New Weatherstipping
-Sunpro tach
-'Cuda-Syle Hood Vent??
-Phantom-style steel-bar grille.
-Stereo upgrades

Why you ask???

Because this van was bought in 1985 by my grandfather. He and my grandma towed their 20-foot Airstream trailer cross-country with it doing geneology. Not only was it in my family but it was used to re-discover my family.
...Oh yeah...
and because I frackin' can!! That's why! Sucka!!

Enjoy the ride. Over the coming months, I promise, it'll be a trip.